So everyone goes through a crisis of confidence at some point. May it be jealousy of something you are not, or physical attributes about yourself you don’t like. Everyone has a slight meltdown.
I have been there many times, sometimes it has felt that I have been stuck in ‘year long’ periods of low self-esteem. Let’s face it, we live in a world where looks are paraded and measured by a standard set by the media. And although the rise of plus size, shorter and ethnic models are on the rise, we still have images bombarded everyday reminding a larger percentage of us what we aren’t.
I’ve always dealt with weight issues and have gone through life being the funny friend. I have had different aspects of my life that have given me confidence and same with burst which have diminished them. Being with Richard gives me a confidence that allows me to be myself around him. I am completely comfortable and I think that’s important in relationships. But I still have my nagging annoyances, like gah I look too so fat in this dress, my cheeks are too red, and my legs look like tree trunks. He just says shut up your beautiful.
I don’t overly like this picture, I look pretty shiny and my glorious double chin is on show, but Richard looks beautiful, and him loving me is beautiful and I look happy. If anything that something that I like about this picture. So that gives me a little more confidence. Since becoming slightly larger over the last couple of years. (from a size 14-18) I have had my moments of tantrums. (see my London melt down here). Mostly due to the lact of fashion sometimes on offer for curvy girls. But my style and outlook has changed with my recent weight gain. I am happy in a relationship, and although I am on a health kick to help my poorly liver (if your new click here for the full story on that) regarding my size, I am getting used to it day by day and looking for the full burst of confidence I once had.
So these pictures, were the last time I think I felt truly confident. But looking back now I remember even then thinking I wasn’t quite skinny enough. Which is sad because when I look at them now I think I look quite lovely. This was three years ago, last time I was Italy. It was the midst of my exercise obsession. (May not look it, but I was running everyday in Italy and working out 6 times a week during that Summer). I am surrounded by a lot of thin women, but even they have told me of many issues they have with their own body.