So everyone goes through a crisis of confidence at some point. May it be jealousy of something you are not, or physical attributes about yourself you don’t like. Everyone has a slight meltdown.
I have been there many times, sometimes it has felt that I have been stuck in ‘year long’ periods of low self-esteem. Let’s face it, we live in a world where looks are paraded and measured by a standard set by the media. And although the rise of plus size, shorter and ethnic models are on the rise, we still have images bombarded everyday reminding a larger percentage of us what we aren’t.
I’ve always dealt with weight issues and have gone through life being the funny friend. I have had different aspects of my life that have given me confidence and same with burst which have diminished them. Being with Richard gives me a confidence that allows me to be myself around him. I am completely comfortable and I think that’s important in relationships. But I still have my nagging annoyances, like gah I look too so fat in this dress, my cheeks are too red, and my legs look like tree trunks. He just says shut up your beautiful.
I don’t overly like this picture, I look pretty shiny and my glorious double chin is on show, but Richard looks beautiful, and him loving me is beautiful and I look happy. If anything that something that I like about this picture. So that gives me a little more confidence. Since becoming slightly larger over the last couple of years. (from a size 14-18) I have had my moments of tantrums. (see my London melt down here). Mostly due to the lact of fashion sometimes on offer for curvy girls. But my style and outlook has changed with my recent weight gain. I am happy in a relationship, and although I am on a health kick to help my poorly liver (if your new click here for the full story on that) regarding my size, I am getting used to it day by day and looking for the full burst of confidence I once had.
So these pictures, were the last time I think I felt truly confident. But looking back now I remember even then thinking I wasn’t quite skinny enough. Which is sad because when I look at them now I think I look quite lovely. This was three years ago, last time I was Italy. It was the midst of my exercise obsession. (May not look it, but I was running everyday in Italy and working out 6 times a week during that Summer). I am surrounded by a lot of thin women, but even they have told me of many issues they have with their own body.
In this picture from L-R. We have Abby my sister, Me, Tasha my brothers wife then Mel my other brothers Fiancée. All three of these gorgeous girls are slim and slender, but they each have had confidence issues of their own.
So this is me and Abby in Italy. This is one of the few pictures that I feel that you can tell we are sisters. Probably because of the smile. I have always been a little jealous of Abby because of her small figure. But If I was to be honest with myself even if I loose all my extra weight I would still not look like her. We are programmed differently. Plus knowing my luck I would look like a lollipop. But it’s funny when I talk to Abby about her confidence issues she reels off things she loves about me and hates about herself. Goes to show, even people that we think have everything in the looks department are still arguing with demons inside. It’s only in the last couple of years that Abby has truly come to love her body, when she did, she found Max who loves her body too. And her of course.. But she still has panic attacks over her ability to do things. Everyone does. I panic constantly on my future regarding my career choice, on whether I am providing good enough material for Wooden Flamingo, my finances, it’s all up there with my lack of confidence in my own ability.
But I don’t think a lack of confidence ever goes away. I’ve seen my mum literally sprint away from a camera because she hates how she looks in pictures and I have older friends who want to learn new skills, but feel they wouldn’t fit in. I mean I’m 24 for a lot of people they remember the glory days of being in their twenties, everything is perk (as they say) and your young free and flirty. Feel like I’m quoting a tampon advert. But this is where I have a melt down. Like oh crap. If don’t have body confidence now will I ever? New mission? Maybe. I’d really like to try and build my own confidence up, especially regarding photos as there aren’t many of me and Richard at all. There’s like 5 that I can think of. Not much to show for 2+ years together and being from a photography background, I should have something to show from my life. Right. Year of the selfie and all.
If you have any tips on how to overcome confidence issues, or your having a small crisis comment or email me.
Confidence is a fragile thing. It’s silly how a certain word or sentence can bring down that wall of confidence you’ve made. I think there are different areas of a person where there confidence is at different levels. For example; I am happy with the way I look, though I do go through days where I feel I need to put a bag over my head, or stop eating so much crap before I bloat out; but generally speaking I am relatively happy with how I am. I think the thing I like most about myself is I’ve now got all the assets of a woman! Sounds silly but I never thought the day would come that I actually hit puberty, so yeah I put myself out there a lot on Facebook but I’m happy that I finally got curves and I can be distinguished from a boy.
This is just to show you how drastic my puberty was. Thank you puberty, I owe you one.
Also if you wish to contact me through email or any other social network, the list is endless. But here is where you can find us.
firstname.lastname@example.org (ask for Sophie, unless it’s a question about steak then Richard is your guy)
Twitter; Ramblings, and updates on us.
Pinterest; If you like colour, decor and food then take a look
Instagram; We see to have a lot of pictures of eggs and food..
Facebook (p.s like our page to be in the chance of winning a sign)